Well freaks and geeks, the crimes have gone on for too long. It's time I brought justice and exposed Japanese food for what it really is! Here, I give you my first evidence from lunch time! I've been eating this kinda stuff for lunch for a year. Look me in the eyes and tell me you can guess what that is ladies and gentlemen!

Thailand: thaimless memories from a place where the only constant is chang

Well loving loves - the freaks and geeks - a rite of passage has come to pass. It feels surreal. Perhaps it is impossible, and perhaps I have entered a new realm of time and space where I am actually free to go places before restricted - a place where the assignments of possible and impossible have been redistributed. That's right, I've now been to Thailand an back folks, sit in surprise and awe. It's gonna suck when the coffee maker doesn't work though.

It's been a long time coming to be sure. I tried to go for a month for a volunteer/adventure trip one summer, but then this plan was disallowed. Then a couple years later tried to study there for 8 months. Again, disallowed. After being smacked down twice, it was not difficult to think I may not just go there ever. BUT. It was not true. I tried to go for 8 days, and apparently, that was OK.

Thus, with a little elbow greese and six years in the making, I have travelled to Thailand folks. And it delivered. NO, folks, this was not a vacation. It was an experience haha. That is for the amount of wonderment, question marks over your head, and minor strife you may at any time experience in this country. Now, had I lived there, or had an extended stay without working, it would have morphed into a vacation to be certain. But the war waged on your body by insects, food, and sun is enough to challenge most anyone's definition of a vacation.

Now, that's not to say a vacation in Thailand isn't possible. Let me explain from the beginning baby.

Thailand

We walked out of the airport into the sweltering heat we hadn't experienced since the summer before. March in Thailand. The first thing we do is wait in front of the doors for a cab. As we're sitting there, I see my friend look up and eyes widen ever so slightly. "Well haven't seen that in a few hundred years."

I wanna go ahead and add this subheading just because it perhaps doesn't fit in other subheadings and it overshadows everything you do in Thailand. It feels good, in spite of a knee jerk reaction of anyone from the West to call it bad. This is that THAILAND LOVES THEIR KING.  This is what my friend was looking at:

If this picture has done nothing but made you lean forward, squint, and lean back feeling defeated, below is a better picture of it.

And oh boy. That's just the beginning. The King of Thailand is a pretty popular guy to make a gross understatement. Thailand loves their king as much as Japan loves Frozen, and pictures of this Monarch are about as common as your Japanese drink machine. Check out how many different situations I was reminded of the king in:

Not sure about this particular pic, but it does seem like even organizations not at all associated with the government purposely and voluntarily pay their respects to the monarch.

In front of an official looking building, but it looked like a rather minor building rather some kind of headquarters or gov't center.

If you happened to be walking down the road and forgot the King was great, then here's a friendly reminder.

This is over a major roadway

Pic was just chilling by the sidewalk

Airport

Shopping. And while this is not necessarily a direct reference to the King of Thailand, it certainly does seem to try and wear the word "king" in order to make its products more attractive. As if being associated with the word king is beneficial in Thailand because of their love for the King.

 For some who are let's say American, this could set off alarm bells and make people immediately feel like the Thai people are oppressed. Nope, not the feeling I got. Also not the impression I have from what I've been told. It is illegal for you to say bad stuff about the King, and if you do, I've heard that sometimes folks will personally go tell police if you've said something off about him. I've read that Thais love their King, and actually the King does a lot of fantastically admirable stuff. I must say, after seeing all those signs, I'm starting to like him pretty good myself. 

Bangkok

This city has gained considerable infamy from movies like the Hangover 2 or the aptly and idiotically named Bangkok Dangerous (it's a Nick Cage movie), and to be fair this city IS more nuts than other cities I've been to, but come on I did love it. It's nice and not just insane like one would be led to think. But okay from what I saw yes it's kinda nuts.

The first thing you notice, or the first thing I noticed, was some difference in infrastructure. I have no clue why, but the telephone poles have more wires than anyone could ever ever ever ever ever ever ever possibly figure out.

Second thing you notice, is a few of the smells. Of course I can't picture smells but I'll just go ahead and let you know that walking down streets I walked down, I went through a range of emotions associated with smells. Some bad some good and mostly a bit unpleasant. But as is goes.

A little post on a giant investigation

Ahhh good evening freaks and geeks. As it goes, time for a little post here and there. I'm writing away on another longer post, but while we all waiting so very apprehensively on this report, I thought I would take you on a journey of the mind. It can be a scary place, so buckle up folks.

Well I was sitting here and I had my little thoughts set on my fine specimen of a Japanese living space. I was thinking about the short furniture, and the really short doorways and started to wonder. Actually, why in the world are the doorways in my apartment SO short?? Sure, Japanese folks are shorter than people in the West, that's a fairly well known fact. But you know I looked it up and, I'm only 4 inches taller than the average here, which is 5'8" for a dude. Think about the States though(or wherever you are from but here I'll use the US as an example), would some dude who is 6'2" be running around hitting his head on things? No, not usually not really. 6'2" is also 4 inches taller than the average so, why in the world are the doorways here in Japan SO short compared to the average height in Japan?

Well at first I thought perhaps there is very little -variation- in the height of Japanese people(A small standard deviation for you scientific types). Perhaps the average height is 5'8" and for some reason most people are never a whole lot taller than that or shorter than it. Well I had settled kinda for that possible explanation but it seemed kinda randommm....hmmm....Ah ha! It was at that point it hit me: my apartment is from the freaking stone age. I actually have no clue how old it is exactly, but one thing definitely describes it right, it's an -old- style Japanese apartment. Some of the books I found in this apartment are so old that the pages have already started to change color and texture. Appliances vary in this apartment from new to completely antiquated or even obsolete. Thus, the doorways in this old apartment give a clue only to how tall people were at the time the apartment was built*.

Well I did a little digging and it turns out that over the years, with the onset of the economic boom that took place in this country, came a diet of variety and plenty, and the amount of protein people ate growing up went way up. So, what do professional speculators tend to think this means? Well it's true, people have been getting taller and taller with every generation in Japan for decades. This article from the New York Times, written in 2001, indicates that Japanese height increased between 2 and 5 inches between the 1960s and 2000. The increase is probably more now.

So what does it mean?? It means we solved our little puzzle*! That is, for today, modern Japan, I'm just a very tall guy. But for old Japan, I'm a giant monster. My small ass doorways in my old ass apartment reveal this fact. This explains why the height of the doorway is very very short, even for people in Japan. Perhaps this is also part of the reason why older people sometimes do triple takes when they see me here.....

Anyways this has been your detective corner. Our journey of the mind is officially over. Sure! I could be wrong, probably am, but oh baby it's about the journey and not the destination! Until next time, peace!


(I'm guessing after the fall of the Neanderthals only because they were big, no other reason to believe otherwise though).

(Deshou? Maybe)

Back to the basics: My apartment

Howdy there everybody. How goes it?

SO let's just say on off in out yeah we've had our fun. I've given you a little bit a this and a little bit of a cross-sectional idea of the calm and underlying oddity of everyday life in Japan. And there's well more where that came from. But ya know what? It's time to rope this thing right back in and take you from the beginning - it's time to get back to the basics.

For the foreseeable next blog or two, we're gonna shift gears away from the truly random, and start heading on back down the interesting road. Of course they go hand in hand, and with inseparable love, but now it's Earth time Japan. You are actually have some purely interesting aspects, Japan, as much as you wanna pair those aspects with the jackhammer of randomness. And as my poor blog post is now boasting two introductory paragraphs, it looks like the jackhammer of randomness has gotten to me too: let's do this.

My apartment

Houses in Japan, or apartments, or what some would probably deem as apartments with walls and some air separating them, are freaking different than they are in the US and Europe. Apartment life is SO different in so many ways that are very concrete. This is certainly not with reference to access to amenities, Japan observing the third larges economy in the world, best education system, and extremely high standard of health. Yet, it is still totally different. I'll use my apartment as an example, though it certainly does not demonstrate the high variation in apartment life, it does have a lot of the characteristic differences. Let's just get right to those differences shall we?

Tatami rooms. In a large large proportion of Japanese apartments and houses, there are tatami rooms. These are rooms where the floor is made of strongly woven straw mats. These mats are usually wrapped about panels which are strong and stiff, but give a little bit, unlike normal flooring. These floors are made for sitting. And that's just what they'll do. No they won't. That's right, you sit on the floor. For me it was a not a surprise because it's quite well understood that people sit on the floor in the East, but still a surprise because I wasn't myself knowing if that was a thing of the past or not. Regardless, I personally have a hard time adjusting completely to this backsupportless way of life. Luckily tatami seats, basically fold up seats with no legs, are quite common - so i went that way with it.

My tatami living room. Check out them floor panels. 

Now tatami rooms in Japan don't take up the whole house, and in the rest of the place, for instance the kitchen or dining room, people sit in chairs I would consider quite normal. In my experience, usually the tatami rooms constitute the living room and the bedroom, which brings me to my next point.


Futons. People don't just sit on the floor in Japan, they sleep on the floor, and on these floor mats called futons. NOPE. While yes, you do feel a bit like you're crashing at your buddy's place all the time, these are not the fold out "futons" we're used to in the West....or maybe really just American dorms. No sir, futons are not a crude make-shift poor excuse for a couch that folds out into a make-shift poor excuse for a bed. Rather, I've heard these floor mats called "poor excuses for down comforters" by agitated expats hahaha. They're not actually usually that bad, although sometimes they are. It all depends on how you like it, I think some Japanese folks prefer to sleep on a sheet covering their tatami, and others like to sleep on what feels like a bed but just with a lot of support (because the floor is underneath). I started on the former but eventually bought one which is a bit more like the latter. Regardless, the futon always goes over tatami, which gives more than normal flooring, but is still absolutely not as forgiving as carpet.

That's what I sleep on son. Welcome to the constant feeling like your crashing at your friend's place. But just on his mat instead.  And as for the couch, yeah, I inherited that. Obviously some expat got really frustrated down the line, in the hundreds of years English teachers have lived in this apartment, and bought some couches for cultural relief purposes. Or a ghost put it there.

Wall Panels. Most tatami rooms have a certain wall paneling design that really reminds you that you're in Japan and completes your feeling of "not in Kansas anymore" even while you exist in your own apartment - an effect I freaking love. There's not much to say about them so here's a picture:

One thing about the panels is that some of them sliding panels which are actually doors. They're quite interesting, and you can remove them as you like to give you more room. That usually goes hand in hand with moving your futon to free up floor space as well , which most Japanese people do everyday anyway and hang it up to be sure and air it out.

I'm gonna go on a complete tangent.

When I first got here, I was taken to an Italian restaurant, which was great btw, they really can do Italian food here, which surprised me. When I was there I remember getting up to go to the bathroom, then going up to the bathroom door. I grabbed the handle and pushed. NOPE. Okay, then I grabbed the handle and pulled. NOPE. Well fair enough this bathroom door is just locked, must be an individual bathroom or something. So I sat there a minute, then just out of pure monkey curiosity did it one more time. Same result duh, only this time I noticed two people behind me laughing their asses off. I was really confused at first what they were laughing at then.....

Sliding doors in Japan. Don't really know why, but sliding doors are ubiquitous. Now, they are still not as common as push - pull doors, but they are extremely common nevertheless. I guess they take up less room or something in a very spatially-limited country. Either way, they were enough to confuse me when I got here. Some of the sliding doors have handles just like push-pull doors, and some of them little depressions for your hand to gently slide. The ones with handles are particularly confusing. Cause, if you're in the West, what is the natural thought process? Won't push, won't pull, okay. It's locked. Well when in Japan, just remember not to forget giving it a go in one last direction before giving up completely. It'll be a good diplomatic tool not to make people here think folks from the West are just dumb. End tangent.


Shoes. Ahh yes. Another priceless gem of complete randomness. But I told you that this time, we're not talking random so this thing explanation goes in a different place. All I'll tell you for now is that in apartments and houses in Japan, you take your shoes off at the door and walk around inside in your socks.

Toilets. Oh don't even get me started on toilets. That's another one who gets it's own explanation down the road.

Tea set furniture. I am Mrs. Nesbitt in my apartment. One of the first things I noticed is that I'm huge in my apartment. While in the US I'm maybe a slightly tall guy - here it's always a surprise to meet a Japanese person taller than me. I've really only met a handful if that. I can't even think of one I know right off hand that's taller than me. That is except one of my students who is like 6'5", and he just is taller than most people in the world anyways. Regardless, folks are a bit smaller here, so stuff is well...a bit smaller. My stove comes up to my thigh, my kitchen table like, I don't know, not even halfway up my thigh. Then the small doorways are funny at first. Ha ha look at me I can hit my head on all the doorways haha yaaaayyy.....Yeah that's funny for less than a day. Then you're carelessly turning up some peach juice while walking 30 min later and BAM. If you're an expat who can still say your own name by the time you leave Japan you're doing pretty good.

Do nevermind the mess in this picture. It's usually just like this. Kidding not really. Anyways, that refrigerator in the lower right hand corner of the picture comes up to about between my belly button and chest. 

Little demo for ya. That's the size of all my doorways in my apartment. Perfect for a surprise TKO during the morning rush to leave for work.

Picture of those doorways for scale. 

Dishes. Now, this isn't exactly a huge thing, but a thing nevertheless. In Japan, sets of dishes are apparently a bit uncommon. People have many different shapes and sizes of dishes in their homes and don't generally have too many of the same type. I read that in a book. However, it's also extremely true of the dishes I inherited in this apartment. For me it's really strange, there's no equality at dinner parties. Some people get big cups, some small, some big plate. It's luck of the draw. Then of course I can't move onto the next section without mentioning chopsticks, at least as a side note. Everybody knows what they are so I won't say anything except for well, people eat with em. Pretty much every day, and in nearly every situation. That is all. 

Kotatsus. Our final fun Japanese apartment treasure is the kotatsu. These are traditional more-than-meets-the-eye tables. They're fantastic little devices which work in the summer as a table, okay so not cool yet, and in the winter as a heater. There it is. So without going into a long explanation, a Kotatsu is a table with short legs in a tatami room(cause you sit on the floor). In the winter you can remove the top panel and put a blanket, then put the top panel back on. Damn it this is hard to explain. I'm just gonna put pictures.

Kotatsu baby. Starts as a normal table just with really short legs. Don't be fooled though.

When you check under the hood, this thing's got an engine baby. This is my kotatsu when I lift up the top panel. Underneath is revealed a power cord and a small heater.

This is the view of the heater from the bottom. And ain't she a beaut? She's probably like 100 years old but anyways a beaut.

Now, when you're ready to use the kotatsu in the winter, you just slip a perfectly square kotatsu blanket between the top panel and the heater. Once that's done, just turn the thing on and slip your legs underneath. Then do whatever you'd like to at the table. Watch TV, drink coffee, write this blog, etc. It's really a very very comfortable home accessory I must say.  There it is, the finished product. This is a kotatsu folks, or better characterized by people from the West as, "A f***ing snuggie table."

There you have it folks! Your very own tour of a Japanese apartment. We had fun didn't we? These are a few of the things that make living at home super different than that of Western nations. I don't think I quiite covered all the differences, specially those with shoes and toilets, but these are a few of the characteristic differences you'll see as a theme around Japan. So until next time freaks and geeks! This has been a more reserved, less random blog entry to rope you back in from space. Have fun while it lasts cause we gonna blast off again and you ain't seen nothin yet!

Let it go has let it go and now Japan is never gonna let it go.

Japan LOVES certain songs. LOVES.

When I first got here, it became readily apparent that Japan loved Frozen. JAPAN LOVES FROZEN. And if you think you've had enough of hearing "Let It Go"* everywhere you go in your country , then please, remember to never come to Japan. You see, Japan is a country of repeating songs until they're dead, then allowing them to rise from the dead in a zombie-like form and begin strangling you. Then waiting until you're dead by strangulation, and forcing you to reluctantly raise from the dead also in a zombie-like form and then it begins strangling you again. But you already died, so it just goes on forever like that. This is "Let It Go" in Japan. The song plays everywhere, and they don't mind if they understand the song. They play it in English and Japanese interchangeably. I suppose that's their idea of "variety." If you wear out a song, just listen to it in another language, until there are no more languages to listen to it in. By then Aliens are here and you can use their language, unless they've already given you the raybeam because they can't stand hearing "Let It Go" anymore.

Let me give you an example of how obsessed with this movie Japan is. When my friend was coming over to Japan on the airplane, he had a Japanese fellow sitting in front of him. Of course you don't have to be a snoop on a 12 hour flight to be bored enough to check out what movie everyone around you is watching, even accidentally. Well my friend saw the guy in front of him watch Frozen. Yeah yeah, you're thinking, of course that doesn't prove anything. Well after the movie was over, this guy watched Frozen AGAIN. Twice in a row. THEN, after it was over, he watched it AGAIN, but this time fast forwarding to all of his favorite parts. 3 times!!!

Just recently I went to a demonstration class at my school. Some big important people were there to watch, for instance representatives from other schools and the head of the prefectural school board. Well, often in classes we sing songs of course. So far we've sung some good ole Aladdin, Oasis, and Coldplay. Not bad taste huh? Well of course you already know for the example class the demonstration teacher played Frozen baby! Started the demonstration out right, and of course you know the important persons onlookers couldn't help but break the ranks of professionalism and sing along. If you wanna hear Let It Go in 40 years, please give an enthusiastic visit to Japan.

And this kind of behavior does not stop at Frozen actually, I don't know if I ever wanna hear "Day dream believer" ever again. In my whole life. That song plays every third time I walk into a freaking convenience store, it plays in the grocery store, it even plays at the train station. Trains here play songs at every station at the platform, perhaps to act as the "kick"(inception anyone?) to wake people up who are sleeping. They hear the music of the station they're supposed to stop at and wake up, perhaps. That's a theory floating around among the expats*. Theorizing is a common practice in Japan, for the lack of apparent sense made by everyday  settings begs interesting questions akin to old time favorites like "which came first, the chicken or the egg?" Pursuit of a solution is noble and futile, and that's daily life in Japan on the most mundane of objects.

Ddb at the train platform

So yes, I've even heard more than once, "Day dream believer"(DDB) as a "kick" at the train platforms. But you see, DDB is an old song, and I wasn't kidding about this zombie-like state. Let it go(LIG) is just in the preliminary stages. DDB has been though full cycle and stagnates in maturity.

How does this zombie-like state play out then? Well in the beginning there is the normal song, and in the songs poor unsuspecting infancy, it is quickly and ruthlessly played into the ground. Perhaps then some time passes and you think you are safe, but no, you're in Japan. It's back, and this zombie like state is but a hollow shell of its former self. Yup, you guessed it, this state is the song being played on the harpsichord. It is merely the tune of the song, with minor background accompaniment,  being played without words on the harpsichord. And you might be used to, in your country, a song being overplayed then just hearing it from time to time after that, no such luck in Japan. Overplayed songs stay with you for a loooong long time forever, and on the harpsichord. DDB is in this zombie form stage 5. I text my friend every time I hear it on the radio, usually at a convenience store, which generally makes for texting him 2-3 times a week for that purpose(or more!!!). Considering that I visit convenience stores maybe 5 times a week, that is simply staggering (and hilarious). DDB is not the only song in this state either, I've heard many songs, including but absolutely not limited to the rocky theme song on the harpsichord, Stevie Wonder's "Sir Duke,"  "YMCA," oh and also "Girlfriend" seems have just made it on that list. That's almost as depressing as the "Fresh Prince" coming on Nick at Night. Except at least shows on Nick at Night don't foment ill will towards the human race. I suppose the equivalent harpsichord zombie-like version would be if the Fresh Prince were rebooted with the same dialogue but now One Direction plays all the main characters.

Video of YMCA harpsichord

The incessant dead-horse-song-beating* in Japan works its way wonderfully into the beautiful, unbelievably odd picture Japan paints of itself. Would it be my own country I might go insane with the level of overplaying, but much like the inability of the soon setting Finnish sun during the winter to impart any mood decrescendo on me during my stay in Finland, such things as these generally just pique my curiosity. Instead of an epic eye roll everytime I hear these songs, I'm just struck by an internal chuckle and sometimes manage to udder "Yup, Japan," and crack a modest smile with the corner of my mouth. Sometimes I suppose this is exactly why I travel. PEACE AND LOVE.


*(and thus causing an inherent contradiction because nobody can let it go with that song playing everywhere)

*(And horse eating for that matter, I'll explain later. Maybe)

*(It's become readily apparent, mostly cause somebody told me, that the train "kicks" are actually just to let you know the train is about to leave or is leaving. Cool theory though, bro.)

Finally, to play us out and in the spirit of Japan, I give you.... DAY DREAM BELIEVER AGAIN!

Japan and Finland Sittin in a Tree

Ahh hello again freaks and geeks. Here we are again with a new installment. Got a good one for ya today, so get in a comfy armchair but take that tobacco pipe out of your mouth so it doesn't burn your lap when your jaw drops baby. Let's do this!

Okay maybe it won't be THAT action packed but check it out.


Japan has a crush on Finland

Everything Japan does is random, even in its love life. So why don't we start today on it's little crush on a country we all know and love as Finland. Of course Japan has a crush on Finland, just, of course it does. Not Norway, not Sweden, not Italy, nope. Finland.

One thing you gotta know about Japan, along with the overload of other things I could never have time to even express, is that everything is cute in Japan. It's also true that the word "cute" is in the hearts and minds of all Japanese people everywhere. The word "kawaii(可愛い or かわいい)" meaning cute or attractive is spoken by everyone(not predominately girls like in the US) and might as well be played on the harpsichord*. Thus, perhaps Finland's fate as Japan's heart throb was sealed by the creation of a cute little character called "Muumi(Right)."

Muumi, the Finnish masterpiece, is originally a show made for kids, but of course Japan saw this irresistible character and now applies it in a number of situations. Characters such as these are all over the place in Japan actually, every prefecture, and every city has its own unique animated character representative. It's worth mentioning that my small city's character, "Sano Maru," won the city character competition in Japan last year. And boy do people take cute seriously here*, thus Sano's  cute, winning character can be found all over Japan and now gives the city one of its few claims to fame. Thank you Sano Maru. Anyways, so by corollary, if a new legendarily cute character is created somewhere in the world, Japan feels a disturbance in the force. And ohhh was the force strong with this one. Muumi can be found in many corners of Japan in everyday life. I would say it is deserving of the primary reason why Japan has this crush on Finland.

Here area just two pictorial examples of what I'm talking about with Muumi:

One of my students brought a little muumi for show and tell

One of the teachers in my office has a Muumi towel

When we did show and tell in class the other day, the normal way of things was to listen to the speech then ask a question or two. Well I just loved it when this kid brought in a little muumi for show and tell. My question was this: What country is muumi from? Almost before I could get the question out of my mouth, my student said, "Muumi is from Finland," in a very matter-of-fact manner. Yes, it's true that focusing on muumi might lead one to believe that Japan loves Muumi, and not Finland. However, muumi is not the only spark in Japan's Finnish flame. I learned this very quickly just being a teacher.

Upon opening the English textbook for my 8th graders in the first weeks of my stay here in Japan, I noticed something interesting on the inside cover of the first page:

Finnish is the first language exemplified 

Hmmm, that's interesting. At the top of the inside cover the textbook introduces itself by making examples of "Languages around the World." And cool check this out, Finnish is the first language shown with it's "Hyvaa paivaa."(Lit:good day) Neat, that's funny and ironic hehe funny they put that one first......wait....then I continue down into the contents and the chapters:

The eighth grade textbook has a whole entire chapter on Finland.

Huuuuhhhh????? My textbook has an entire CHAPTER on Finland. And in the next chapter after this and before this and beyond it talks about completely unrelated things. Finland is the ONLY featured country in this textbook. That was like okay WOW. But then I found another featured story about a woman in Finland in a different textbook by a totally different company. WHHHATTT??? Now there's really starting to be something to this......then I started grading some of my students' work later on not too long after I made this little discovery. The topic of the essays they wrote over the summer was "What country I wanna visit the most." Now Finland wasn't number 1 I wouldn't say....so I won't go that far, but it was definitely number 5. Doesn't sound high but considering that there are a couple hundred countries in the world, I'd say it's pretty dang impressive.  The others that topped the list were the totally expected ones, USA, UK, France, and Italy. Now think of this, the Japanese school children want to go to the USA, the UK, France, Italy, and Finland. Which one of those doesn't seem to belong in the average vacation destination list???

Not even done yet! SO then, yes then, I was playing a game with my students the other day where they were in groups and have to, one by one, name items of a certain category. Well we had already run the gambit of clothing items, body parts, days of the week, months, etc etc and we were getting into more obscure categories, at least for a junior high foreign language English class. So I said okay nameeee, countries in Europe! Everyone groaned at the difficulty of this task as I went up to the first guy prompting him to answer and of course the first word and answer out of his mouth was "Finland!"

Well I had thrown my arms up at this point, as I was just getting then used to the completely randomized list of traits which constitute Japan, but one final thing popped into my head later on......When I was Finland, I went to Santa's village. Maybe just for throwback purposes we can throw out this picture:

Yup, ole Saint Nick as it were

I remember noticing something that, among many other things at the time, piqued my interest and curiosity. As I was sending a postcard home, one thing I should make better practice of doing actually, I noticed on the wall some statistics about the letters coming into Santa's village(for Santa) from other places in the world. Well you guessed it, Japan was on top! I don't know if it's still that way, but you can guarantee it's top 3! Tens of thousands of letters come from Japan every year and go straight to the Finnish Santa Claus!

In fact it's true that Finnish Lapland gets a good number of Japanese tourists. And actually, Finnish Santa is purported to know "all" languages, you know, since he's Santa. Now I hate to burst the bubble of the 10 year olds reading this, but after all that Santa is most likely just some Finnish dude(and you thought it was your parents, lock your chimneys, kids!). And that dude's gotta know a lotta languages, but surely he can't know them all. But he's gotta learn the ones he gets spoken to in the most, right? If you are the Finnish "know all languages" Santa, and you get a bunch of German tourists talking to you in German, well you better know German pretty well! Right?? Well I remember my Japanese friend not believing this knowing all languages malarky and so he decided to test poor Santa in a challenging way. Not only would he speak to Santa in uninhibited, natural speed Japanese, but he would also speak to Santa in his -specific- Japanese regional street dialect. So here goes nothing, good luck, chap.

There we went. We walked into Santa's little room together, and our Japanese friend went quickly directly to Santa, all the while addressing him by rattling off some deep Japanese slang. The plan was in full motion.Well Santa immediately responded IN KIND. Our Japanese friend fell to the floor because he just couldn't -believe- what he was hearing. It wasn't just shallow greetings either, he went blow for blow with Santa in Japanese and Santa shrugged it off with perfect Japanese responses, no joke, in dialect. We all still remember this very vividly! All of this came flying back to me, as did these analyses, as I started to notice these odd connections! Thus there had to be droves of Japanese tourists flying through Santa's Village in order for Santa to be that well versed in Japanese. There just had to be. Well....that is....unless the magic of Santa really is real, which who knows, it might be. Regardless, I don't care what anyone says, Japan is under that magical love spell Finland has cast - and oh that magic is real. There's something up in the land of the rising sun that ain't just the sun baby, they're just happy to see Finland.

But what can I say, I love Finland too, and singing to the choir? If that's what you would call it. Well I do love to sing.  Preaching! That's the word I'm looking for. Anyways this has been your digest of Japan this time folks. I suggest a thrilling and off the beaten path Japan-Finland vacay. You won't be disappointed, but you might get totally confused! Peace!


*(See blog coming up in the next few days)

*(I'll probably write a whole blog post about the importance of cute things in Japan)

No sense? No problem. But a hell of a lot of cents.

Here's a little cultural corner for ya here on this fine fine fine rainy day. It's time to drops some knowledge, son. Okay nay it's not raining anymore.

I wanna just start by saying, Japan is WEIRD. I think that is pretty much internationally known at this point, but I may never run out of weird points to mention about Japan. I am confused and surprised just about everyday. It's one thing that is so interesting about this country. So often you find yourself asking yourself "Why?? Why that?? Why??" Many things in Japan make sense only because things in Japan consistently don't make sense, and you just see things and just think "Oh, that doesn't make sense, well that wouldn't make sense." So here we go.


Money in Japan is like, wtf

You know for what research would allege is a money saving society*, Japan sure does make such a task incredibly difficult. That is unless you prefer to shun conventional banks or wallets and would rather opt to save your money under your local drink machine, in the crevices of the interior of your vehicle, or a bowl on your room divider for things you don't otherwise have any idea what to do with. Yes, folks, I'm talking about coins. The COINS THE COINS. WHY JAPAN WHYY???

There's a simple misstep which takes us all down to China town. Not too far from here but rather an annoying trip to make more than anything. The largest coin in Japan is worth FIVE FRIGGIN DOLLARS. Not only that, but the smallest bill in Japan is TEN FRIGGIN DOLLARS. Well you guessed it, the smallest coin is equivalent to a penny. Thus, FML. Coins in Japan are a painfully annoying fact of life.

Now I know what you might be sitting there thinking, yup I do. You're thinking Yeah we have pennies and they're annoying but hell nobody carries cash anymore so how does Mr. Complainypants have any kind of point here? Wellllll think again genius in a bottle, I'll tell you what rubs my brain the wrong way, and that's the fact that PEOPLE DON'T USE DEBIT OR CREDIT CARDS HERE.

HUH??? But Sensei, didn't you know that Japan is one of the most advanced societies on God's green Earth?? Well you know what, you're right about that. It is one of the most high tech societies there is, but to my surprise, Japan actually picks and chooses convenient technologies to use, ones that we understand as modern facts of life. It has stuff we've never seen before that it considers normal, and stuff we've had since the ice age that they just pass on. However, my friend, is for another blog post altogether and a tangent in this one.

Japan is a cash based society, and that doesn't seem to be changing with even "deliberate" speed. And that doesn't mean just in bars. Forget it, if you come to Japan bring a big tough wallet and a tight fitting belt to hold your pants up as you lug boatloads of change for reasons beyond the grasp of mere lay like ourselves. If you ever wanna get an idea of how much that sucks, get 20 quarters and stack them up. Then imagine they're just a tiny bit bigger. Realize that in Japan you have 100 dollars sitting there instead of 5 dollars. Now keep up with all the change rendered from those things cause a dollar bill is also a coin. Then there's 50 cent, 10 cent, 5 cent, and 1 cent coins. No quarters, and the dimes are huge. You quickly find yourself leaving bread crumbs of money everywhere you go. Of course you get all of it back because it would strongly violate a Japanese conscience  to keep or use anything they even have a suspicion isn't theirs. Any left over talents they may have from the days of ninja mercenaries are now used to track people down and give them back their money or items they dropped.

So what about cards? I mean come on, people don't just........what do people do anyways to get money?? I wasn't born before this archaic vestige you call "cash" became so.  Well people do use cards, but only generally at ATMs, to get money out. IE, you can't pay for anything with them. Nobody told me that shit actually. I often tried to pay with it when I first got here. I often gave people my card, and they would just look at me and hand it back to me timidly like ummm....this is a cash card sooo...... They wouldn't say that of course because English isn't exactly widely spoken, but that was the obvious sentiment. People are so polite here though, they would even sometimes try to use it knowing full well it wouldn't work.

Little pic of the coinz, minus a 500yen($5) coin because those things get broken so quickly.

Insofar as people don't use cards, they don't use them for online payments either. In fact, when you order something online, you go pay at a convenience store. Convenience stores are a whole other blog as well, they're indispensable in Japan. Seven-eleven picks up the slack where all of Japan decides to deliberately inconvenience itself.

So to be fair, there does exist the capacity to use cards in spots. Some people actually have credit cards, but I almost never see people use them. In fact, to my knowledge, there aren't debit cards either. Now maybe they exist but I just haven't noticed or inquired far enough, but the point overall still stands - that people use cash. Many places won't accept card period, and only larger places like shopping malls and grocery stores even have to potential to do so.

So in the end, how you supposed to save moneys like that bro? Smallest bill is ten dollars and nobody uses electronic/plastic payment. Everyone uses cash for everything and a much larger proportion of their "cash" is pesky easy to lose coins. You got metal flying everywhere and some politician should run on quitting that. The GDP would probably spike and lead Japan to the promise land!......Oh. What a weird thing to lead you to the promise land, you say? That doesn't make any sense, you say? Well that wouldn't make any sense. Peace.


*(Statistically countries whose native language has no future tense tend to save more money than their future tense language counterparts - saw it on NPR son!)